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slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 days ago

Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

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Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a '6ft Mustang full of testosterone' | News Weird | Metro News

metro.co.uk

slothrop @lemmy.ca to Not The Onion@lemmy.worldEnglish · 2 days ago
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Man who claims he spent 18 days in heaven says Jesus is a ‘6ft Mustang full of testosterone’
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  • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.world
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    7 hours ago

    Man wakes up from coma, figures out how to make bank on it.

  • BradleyUffner@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    Vroom vroom

  • Archangel1313@lemmy.ca
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    10 hours ago

    Is he talking about the horse…or the car?

  • Herbal Gamer@sh.itjust.works
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    10 hours ago

    stay prayed up

    i thought he looked like this

  • phutatorius@lemmy.zip
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    10 hours ago

    Then he woke up on sticky sheets.

  • Malica@lemmy.zip
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    12 hours ago

    🤣

  • Cethin@lemmy.zip
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    12 hours ago

    This is not meant to be criticism, but I think this guy has been repressing something for a long time…

    • OrteilGenou@lemmy.world
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      11 hours ago

      His love for horses, Hispanic first names, and human biology?

  • itisileclerk@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    Why this is published? Today the more nonsesnse you say, the more chance to go public. Like “God exist” or “I was in Heaven” or “Jesus died and resurected” or “God tell me stories and I write them”.

  • tigermountain@lemmy.world
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    12 hours ago

    Wait a minute, I spent 20 days in heaven and jesus was a short Chinese guy with glasses who was nervous around women. This guy is lying.

    • IhaveCrabs111@lemmy.world
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      10 hours ago

      You are both wrong. My version of Jesus is right. Which means you’re both evil and are going to hell.

  • explodicle@sh.itjust.works
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    13 hours ago

    6ft isn’t even particularly tall in the USA

    • lightnsfw@reddthat.com
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      11 hours ago

      I suspect this guy went on a drug bender and fucked a donkey.

    • doingthestuff@lemy.lol
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      12 hours ago

      He was also supposed to be not particularly attractive, based on old testament prophesy about the messiah

  • nanometer1625@thelemmy.club
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    15 hours ago

    He must be Dothraki. He met “the stallion who mounts the world”.

  • Evotech@lemmy.world
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    15 hours ago

    Why did he get a platform lol

  • myyass@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    Great. Now the FBI is going to raid Heaven.

    • OldManWithACane@lemmy.zip
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      10 hours ago

  • ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    Sounds homoerotic, but OK.

    Maybe “heaven” was spending 18 days with a Latin American lover called Jesus.

  • biofaust@lemmy.world
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    23 hours ago

    Mustang, so a horse?

    • Leviathan@lemmy.world
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      23 hours ago

      Wouldn’t be surprised at this point if he hallucinated a fancy Ford.

      • biofaust@lemmy.world
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        23 hours ago

        True, although a smelly one if it was described as chock full of testosterone.

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