cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/52959175
CEO Dana White has long been an ally of President Donald Trump and his administration. Agents would be trained in hand-to-hand combat.
The FBI plans to offer the Ultimate Fighting Championship an exclusive one-year contract to train its special agents in hand-to-hand combat, according to a document released by the agency in September.
The UFC, according to the bureau, is “the sole qualified vendor” capable of providing tactical training that meets FBI standards. The justification for the contract cited the “expertise” the multibillion-dollar global media business has in mixed martial arts, striking techniques, grappling and takedowns.
The bureau said that market research determined that “no other vendor can provide comprehensive training encompassing all required skills at the necessary expertise level within the required timeframe.”
That won’t make us question their competence, or dick size, at all.
They are such a parody, it’s incredible.
Except it’s not, because it’s about loyalty to the leader, not any kind of efficiency or sense.
Want to join the FBI? First, you must demonstrate proficiency at mixed martial arts. Second, you must possess a deep desire to be penetrated by a horse’s cock. If you meet those criteria, congratulations! You officially qualify to be an agent in the FBI!
They’re all so fucking stupid…
He’s so stupid it’s astounding.
That’s a BIG part of why he was hired: stupid and/or deranged loyalists are much more likely to follow a capricious and despotic leader blindly than smart and sane people of equal loyalty.
Now, the first thing to learn is that in the real world chairs do not come apart. You must secure your chair and not let the other guy have it!
Here we are, with both our military and the FBI among other government agencies, being destroyed from within. Our enemies are all laughing at us.
Oh allies too
They’re really not laughing too much.
Will they carry their registered folding chair with them at all times?
I thought that was WWE
No knees to the head of a grounded enemy combatant? What about 12 to 6 elbows?
Soccer kicks and head stomps? Pride rules?
“This is a delicate negotiation and we must be careful.” “No way man! Just kick him in the fucking head!”.
I can see this being useful for when they need to do a a heel-turn for Good-Cop-Bad-Cop interrogations.
Why not WWE?
But wait, what is that?! It is the son of the assassinated Iranian leader Khamemei, and he has a foldable chair!
Because they admitted to their fights being staged for tax reasons*. Even the cult members wouldn’t approve of the FBI being taught by what basically amounts to fight dancing stunt performers. At least I don’t think so 🤷🏻
*That’s to say that they admitted it to pay less tax, not that they discovered a tax loophole requiring staged matches
To be fair, I would absolutely dish out for a pay-for-view to see Patel take a savage beating from an MMA fighter.
I would pay to see took get the shit beat out of him by a reasonably healthy grandma
An mma fight against a pug would be over way too fast
I was hoping WWE would win the contract, oh well
You’re not going to believe this, but the UFC and WWE have the same owner and trade under the stock symbol “TKO”.
Crazy!
