“You guys are all terrible human beings with massive red flags, any woman showing interest must be taking advantage.”

This might be why. Specifically that last part about luring Nazis with pretence of “romantic encounters” to the woods, to be shot.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Freddie_Oversteegen

Oversteegen, her sister, and friend Hannie Schaft worked to sabotage the Nazi military presence in the Netherlands.[5] They used dynamite to disable bridges and railroad tracks.[6] They also smuggled Jewish children out of the country or helped them escape concentration camps.[2]

The Oversteegens and Schaft also killed German soldiers, with Freddie being the first of the girls to kill a soldier by shooting him while riding her bicycle.[1][5] They also lured soldiers to the woods under the pretense of a romantic overture and then killed them.[1][5] Oversteegen would approach the soldiers in taverns and bars and ask them to “go for a stroll” in the forest.[2][5]

With the newly relaxed hiring standards at the FBI, the agents can now recommend greener pastures for dating.

LOL that headline is such a good way to put it.

Reminds me of that scene from X-2 when Mystique injects the stupid guard with iron pellets to help Magneto escape.

“Never trust a beautiful woman, especially one who’s interested in you.”

Unfortunately, ICE doesn’t need women to be interested in them. They were caught on video making people blow them in port-a-potties in Minnesota in order to for their victims to save themselves from deportation.

Imagine being told “No woman will want to date you so anyone that says they are is just a cat fish.”

Translation: You’re such unbelievable pieces of shit, if someone wants to date you, it’s a trap.

FBI trying to 100% the ICE incels speedrun.

Now we know why they allowed animal abusers to join. You don’t have to worry about being ratted out if your lover is a literal rat. You don’t have to worry if your lover is a metaphorical snake if it’s a literal one. You don’t have to worry about being hounded for information if your lover is a literal hound.

(Tradwives are conservative women who dress like the women in The Sound of Music, but without the opposition to the Anschluss.)

Can we just appreciate this sentence for a moment.

FBI trying to keep all the bitches to themselves.

And by bitches, I mean female dogs.

What a timeline.

“Hey there, sexy. I noticed you abuse brown people. Wanna fuck?”

Sounds like good advice for everyone

Being an ICE agent has to be the coolest thing going for these guys.

Not being able to score MAGA poon on FarmersOnly must be disappointing.