Reality is picking up scraps off a third-rate political sitcom’s cutting-room floor again, I see.

Nice, don’t see too many of these high-security Japanese penis keys in the wild.

But only 90% of it because you’re generous like that.

It only seems that way because it is.

App’s busted, all it does is try to click the “Post” button if I’m not typing and keeps showing a negative num-

Imagine being so far down your list of disinformation campaign ideas that this is the best one you had to keep from getting fired and sent to the front lines.

I’m assuming it’s near one of the populated parts which narrows it down significantly.

…‘Who is responsible?’

Obviously the deer is very responsible, he’s wearing proper PPE.

Kinda sounds like a reason some people might try to preserve or widen a gender pay gap. If they can’t keep women barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, this is their next best thing.

I think you’re safe, you’re obviously not a banana.

Sounds a little like Resident Alien (if you omit the bananas and Sweden).

I’m worried that stupid is our best case scenario. For all we know, the rest are stupid plus a cattle prod to the junk so might as well stick with the one that isn’t currently zapping my balls.

Probably just has to drool into the collection jar considering how much time these guys spend sucking themselves off.

The only reason I think they didn’t is that their mascot isn’t a little altar boy.

OP? OP who? Sorry, we don’t have any record of an OP.

Strong entry for an Ig Nobel Prize if nothing else.

Arson, murder, and jaywalking.

Turns out this was all due to a clerical error in the contract back when the system was built: instead of UN Secure Information Access, they got Unsecure Information Access.

Future generations of Russians will gain immunity to fall damage once they weed out the ones still complying with the law of gravity.

But if I probe a deer, they say I’m a deviant and put me on a list. Bullshit double standard.