Most people don’t. Having bitcoin doesn’t mean you have to be your own bank. Just that you have that option if and when the need arises. It’s not one extreme (be your own bank) or the other (reject bitcoin entirely).

Then there’s no god damn point. Bitcoin at a Bitcoin bank is just a regular bank with an incredibly, comically inefficient transaction tracking system.

Well, what do you do if someone breaks into your house and threatens to shoot you if you don’t hand over your cash, credit cards, and valuable possessions?

Cash and possessions are one thing, but that’s not how most people keep their real financial assets. A thief can steal my credit card all they want. They’re not getting much use out of it.