Well without going too much deeper into my own story:

I then got very badly injured, got fired, got evicted, spent years crippled and homeless.

… So I know I don’t count.

And, having been something of an impromptu … effectively a field medic … oh yeah, I had ODs die on me, had people with necrotic, long untreated wounds, exacerbated by drug use… that I could do a basic field dressing of, beg them to go to a hospital, then never see them again. Sometimes I was treating minor gunshot wounds, stab/slash wounds. Sometimes I was dodging drive by shootings myself.

I’ve now very directly personally saved some, at least temporarily, and lost friends.

To the point that I have PTSD now too, and can tell you there is an entire second world behind the facade where a low level war is playing out, all the time, that most ‘normal’ people just … want to go away, whatever it takes, whatever it costs.

… To the point that I’m not able to be clever, or philosophical about it… I’ve fully experienced the horror of it, and can frankly only conclude the reason I am still alive is … basically, dumb luck.

All I know is that it doesn’t have to be this way, and that it is this way… causes me great anger.

My current goal is working on controlling that anger… pure rage makes you stupid, thus useless. Also makes you into a just generally unlikeable asshole.

I’m really still just recovering, physically, and mentally.

… yeah, don’t even know where I’m going with this, like I said, it broke my ability to … consider the implications of ‘the whole thing’. ‘The whole thing’ did too much damage to me.