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Cake day: June 9th, 2026

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  • Someone wanders into the backrooms. They see all the usual backrooms BS. Then they find an Ethernet cable. They grab a random piece of desk and smash the everloving shit out of it and sit back to wait. Several hours later, a network technician comes in muttering angrily. They swear at the lost guy, saying something about the belfth floor printer, but the lost is able to follow them back out to a place that is at least somewhere.




  • Teacher: (looking at term paper which consists entirely of em dashes and explanations why it is a large language model) “Well, this student hasn’t paid any attention in class all year, has managed not to be automatically failed through skipping classes, but only just, shows no sign of actually wanting to learn anything, swears at me when I say they should be doing schoolwork in the classroom, lies to their parents that I’m failing them because I’m racist, and is supported in those lies by their friends and family. I could fail them, which will bring them back to this school, and probably my classroom, and probably with a grudge against me, and the admin will say I failed as a teacher by not getting them to learn enough to pass… or I could give them just enough credit to get a D-- and make them some other teacher’s problem so I can concentrate on the students I really feel like I can help next year.

    Have fun in college, shithead.”





  • Well…

    The attourneys get their cut. That’s a tenth right there.

    Then there’s the other attourneys. That’s another tenth gone.

    Uh… they probably charged some expenses. That could add up pretty quick.

    Oh, and there’s probably a settlement firm handling the disbursement, so that’s another pack of attourney’s fees and whatnot.

    Then you have the accountants checking all the fees, processing all the payments, etc. That’s another round.

    Then there’s the bribes. These things can’t be trusted to anyone who isn’t on payroll.

    Add on some clerical workers and a director to organise the whole operation.

    Are the humans still getting paid? That’s not allowed. What else can we pretend is reasonable to exclude?